I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
