I am in a vortex of obligation.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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