2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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