I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize