I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
we're making bets on your personal life
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
