you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
