My nipple is on Facebook.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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