I need help removing her.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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