how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
