Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
