what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize