his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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