Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize