I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
