Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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