I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
