First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
