shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
