Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
