I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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