I'm going to rape someone's good day.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize