The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
