my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
