apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
