To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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