i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
