Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize