If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
