just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
