the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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