you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
