I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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