i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
