When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
