I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize