i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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