I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize