Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
