You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
