In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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