I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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