i can't believe i had my finger in that
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
