That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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