Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
