i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
