Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
