You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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