How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
