it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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