Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
