he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize