i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
