That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
