I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
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