I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
