Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize