I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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