I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
