Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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