look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
