Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
