i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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