bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They are going to name an STD after you.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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