I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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