i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
