i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
