I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
