I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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