I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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