it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
