I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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