Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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