You're so nebulous sometimes
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
did i just pee glitter
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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