I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
