I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everclear isn't food dammit
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
