you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
