Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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