i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
