Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
