I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
