Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
