haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
